I’ve decided to revisit this blogging outlet to put my joys and frustrations down while I am held captive to a rocking chair.
I have 2 beautiful little girls. My oldest is 21 months old (Yes I’m that person, but I promise to stop once she’s 2). My youngest is 8 weeks old. And yes, my second child was planned. I get that question a lot. I was breastfeeding and no I didn’t think that was birth control. In fact, I was hoping I’d still be able to get pregnant. And I did! It took one try so I am apparently very fertile.
This past pregnancy and birth was a completely different experience than the first. A lot of people told me that would be the case. However, that doesn’t actually prepare you for the journey you’re about to embark on. My first daughter was pretty tough. From the time she was born she was attached to me. Nursing was difficult and sleeping was a challenge. She couldn’t be put down! But, of course I don’t remember the actual way I felt while all of that was going on.
So now with my second daughter she is in the middle I’d say. She’s pretty attached to me but for the most part is pretty content alone. We have our good and bad days with sleeping. She’s in her crib for naps and bedtime for the most part. She has ended up sleeping next to me the past few nights which is why I am exhausted and feeling frustrated today! It feels like she’s given me more sleepless nights but my husband tells me that’s not true.
It’s amazing what you forget in just 19 months. I get challenged emotionally pretty often with my second. I can’t nap when she naps because I have a toddler that I miss. My husband doesn’t help at night because he goes to work every day and although he offers I begrudgingly turn him down. I love my role and I wouldn’t change it for the world but the past 2 months have taken an emotional toll.
I am exhausted. I read a lot, and whoever writes about the developments of babies needs to stop. I realize not every baby/child is alike. I know through friends with children and of course being able to compare my children. But still, reading that your 8 week old should sleep 5-6 hours at once at night makes me bitter and frustrated. Why isn’t my baby doing that? Probably because she’s a baby and there’s no telling a baby what they’re expected to do. But still, with google and all these blogs we have access to it’s hard not to read them and wonder why your experiences are so different.
My biggest challenge has been letting all of that go. Even with my own knowledge of what my first was like. They’re not going to be the same. In fact, they’re already proving to be very different. The sleepless nights aren’t forever and the crying isn’t forever. It all fades and then you blink and you have a toddler who loves princesses and minions and sings and dances. And the memory of her being a baby is only relived through pictures rather than my memories.
Being a mom is both the most challenging and most rewarding thing I have ever done. From labor to dealing with a toddler, there have been a lot of beautiful moments and a lot of crazy moments and I know there’s a lot more to come. This is a crazy journey and I’m trying to get better at documenting it.